Tech Bro Suggests Banning Innovation So America Can Dominate the Rubble Economy

“Why Build the Future When We Can Own the Wreckage?”

Silicon Valley venture capitalist Brody Maximillion IV—self-described “thought leader,” part-time ketamine influencer, and full-time heir to a railroad fortune—has proposed a bold new economic strategy: ban innovation and outsource destiny to foreigners so Americans can control the rubble economy.

“It’s simple,” Maximillion said during his latest TEDx talk, given exclusively to a room of other trust-fund tech bros pretending to take notes on their MacBooks. “The problem isn’t that we’re falling behind in AI, space travel, or clean energy. The problem is that we’re still trying. Let China and India invent the future. Let Europe worry about ethics. Let Brazil build green cities. Meanwhile, we’ll just focus on monetizing collapse.”

According to Maximillion, America’s biggest export should be smugness—not technology, manufacturing, or innovation. “The beauty of this strategy,” he explained, “is that while other nations are busy making things, we’re buying up everything they abandon when their projects inevitably fail. It’s like venture capital, but for civilization itself.”

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The Business Model: Own the Ashes, Sell the Shovels

Maximillion envisions a world where America is the hedge fund of societal ruin. As other nations advance into the next era, the U.S. will specialize in waiting for their inevitable failures, then swooping in to buy the ruins at rock-bottom prices.

“Imagine a world where Silicon Valley doesn’t have to make new products anymore,” he said, adjusting his ironic vintage Google Glass. “We just wait for someone else to build, watch them collapse under their own ambition, and then turn their ghost towns into NFT-based survival resorts.”

His proposal, dubbed “Manifest Dumpster-ny,” includes:

• The “Crypto Chernobyl” Plan – Where failed smart cities like Saudi Arabia’s NEOM are bought at auction and turned into exclusive doomsday bunkers for billionaires.
• The “Detroitification of Progress” Initiative – Where promising technologies are abandoned so venture capitalists can strip them for parts and sell them back as nostalgia products. (See: the resurgence of flip phones.)
• The “Fyre Festival World Economy” – Where the U.S. stops making real things and instead sells people the idea of innovation, without ever delivering.

“We’ve been testing this concept with Web3, and it’s working great,” Maximillion added. “We create hype, crash the market, and then move on to the next thing before anyone asks for a refund.”

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Expert Opinions: “This is Either Genius or a Symptom of Lead Poisoning”

Economists have mixed reactions to Maximillion’s plan.

Dr. Linda Finkelstein, professor of Economic Absurdity at Stanford, believes the idea is already in motion. “We’ve essentially banned useful innovation by turning everything into a subscription model,” she said. “At this point, we don’t even own our refrigerators. We rent them from corporations that charge extra to keep the milk cold.”

Meanwhile, tech ethicist Raj Patel warns that America embracing the rubble economy could make things even worse. “If we stop inventing things, we’ll just be left with reality TV and Elon Musk’s Twitter meltdowns. Is that really the future we want?”

When presented with this critique, Maximillion shrugged. “Elon is a perfect example. He didn’t invent electric cars—he just bought Tesla and let other people fail. That’s the model.”

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What the Funny People Are Saying

“This plan is genius! Why waste money on research when you can just wait for someone else to do it and steal their lunch money?” — Dave Chappelle

“This is exactly how America treats climate change—deny it, ignore it, then charge people for bottled air.” — John Oliver

“We already banned innovation—it’s called Congress.” — Stephen Colbert

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“Helpful” Content for SpinTaxi Readers

If Maximillion’s plan becomes reality, Americans should start preparing now. Here’s how:

1. Learn to barter – Cash is useless in the rubble economy. Hoard ramen packets and vintage Beanie Babies instead.
2. Invest in nostalgia – The past is more valuable than the future. Buy VHS tapes and rotary phones before they become luxury items.
3. Join a billionaire’s apocalypse cult – There’s a nonzero chance you’ll need a spot in Peter Thiel’s bunker. Act now before prices go up!

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Satirical Disclaimer

This article is a 100% human collaboration between two sentient beings—the world’s oldest tenured professor and a 20-year-old philosophy major turned dairy farmer. Any resemblance to real tech bros is completely intentional and deeply concerning.

15 Observations About Banning Innovation

1. America would instantly be the global leader in artisanal candle-making—which is great, because without innovation, electricity will be retro.

2. The tech industry would pivot to “vintage computing”—aka repackaging 1990s dial-up internet as “Rustic WiFi”.

3. Elon Musk would be forced to sell hand-drawn sketches of electric cars on Etsy—and call it “Tesla Classic.”

4. The government would have to start censoring old episodes of The Jetsons—too much dangerous propaganda about innovation!

5. Without new technology, we’d bring back medieval guilds—except instead of blacksmiths, we’d have “Certified Instagram Alchemists.”

6. All venture capital would go into reinventing the wheel—but this time, as a subscription service. (Wheel+: Only $14.99 a month!)

7. Startup bros would pivot to selling “handcrafted, organic fire”—because innovation is banned, but marketing BS never dies.

8. iPhones would be replaced with scrolls—but don’t worry, they’d still cost $1,200 and require a carrier pigeon data plan.

9. We’d finally solve the AI problem—by replacing it with slightly smarter rocks. (“Introducing iRock: It just sits there, but in a disruptive way.”)

10. Zoom meetings would be replaced by shouting across fields—HR would still send a memo about “optimizing your yodeling posture.”

11. Influencers would start claiming they “discovered” indoor plumbing—but only if they can sell you a Platinum VIP Chamber Pot Experience.

12. Jeff Bezos would have to make money the old-fashioned way—by running a slightly evil general store instead of a global empire.

13. Instead of self-driving cars, we’d go back to self-walking people—though Uber would still find a way to charge for it.

14. The most high-tech object in America would be the spork—but only available to premium subscribers.

15. Without innovation, corporations would start “re-releasing” old products and charging more for them—oh wait, they already do that. (Looking at you, Apple.)