Year: 2025
February 21, 2025
Satire & News
Destinies of the Soul
In the Houghton Library (at the great learning institute of Harvard) you will find a book called Des destinées de l’âme “Destinies of the Soul” in English that is...
February 21, 2025
Satire & News
The World’s Oldest Operating Bookstore — Centuries of Books and Ghosts
In the Chiado neighborhood in the historic center of Lisbon, Portugal you will find the world’s oldest operating bookstore. The Guinness Book of World Records declared Livraria Bertrand the...
February 21, 2025
Satire & News
The Cave
Finnegan was the last one. He watched silently as his best friends crawled into the small mouth of the cave. The extra tiny Oliver was first, followed by the...
February 21, 2025
Satire & News
Lindsey Graham Declares He Will ‘Go to War’ to Defend Chick-fil-A — Says a Good Chicken Sandwich Is More Important Than To Protect Democracy
Still doesn’t have stomach or nerve to defy Trump or cuckoo base Believes eating Chick-fil-A sandwiches stops the spread of Communism Suggests Cuba’s current problems are because they don’t...
February 21, 2025
Satire & News
Biden Signs Bill Making “Punch a Gaetz Day” A Federal Holiday
MTP Breaking News July 3rd date will connect with July 4th Indepedence Day creating a longer period of national celebration — Biden suggests if you can’t find a Gaetz...
February 21, 2025
Satire & News
Op-Ed: ‘Joe Biden Just Ruined My Anti-Biden Business’
Editor’s Note: This opinion piece was penned by a longtime Empire News reader, and submitted to our op-ed department. In 2020 when our nation’s savior, Donald Trump, had the...
February 21, 2025
Satire & News
Only Hours After Announcing Separation from Lisa Bonet, Actor Jason Momoa Photographed Holding Hands with SNL’s Pete Davidson
NEW YORK CITY, New York – Only a few hours after publicly announcing that he would be divorcing wife Lisa Bonet, superstar actor Jason Momoa (Aquaman) was photographed leaving...
February 21, 2025
Satire & News
Former President Trump Calls Kyle Rittenhouse a ‘Modern-Day Hero’ In Leaked Private Recordings
WASHINGTON, D.C. – A leaked private recording was recently obtained exclusively by Empire News, wherein former President Donald Trump directly refers to recently acquitted teenage gunman Kyle Rittenhouse as...
February 21, 2025
Satire & News
Kraft Foods To Re-Brand ‘Kool-Aid Man’ Mascot to ‘Kool-Aid Person’ After Pressure From Left-Wing Groups
CHICAGO, Illinois – Kraft Food Holdings, the parent company behind Kool-Aid Brands, has announced that their long-stand mascot, The Kool-Aid Man, will be modified to be the Kool-Aid Person...
February 21, 2025
Satire & News
Multiple People Hospitalized, Several Arrested During ‘Rush Limbaugh Has Cancer’ Celebration in Boston
BOSTON, MA Over a dozen people were hospitalized and 11 people were arrested after a massive celebration broke out in the streets of Boston on Friday. Last week, conservative...